Hi, my name is Nicole Angelika Panzer for those who don't know me yet. Believe it or not, it took me a good 20 odd years to find my voice.
No actually I lie, I always had a voice. Being of Austrian descent and speaking the German language we come across as being very direct or at least I did. (perhaps too direct)
So when I changed schools from the German school to an English speaking school I was very quickly labelled as the bitch …..
No I know, not nice! So naturally as any teenager would do I started reeling in my voice and as many in high school were, I was more concerned with what others thought of me than what I thought myself.
So from this time onwards I found myself in a few not so good situations due to not voicing my thoughts and feelings properly. I was not able to set healthy boundaries, which was not so fun and sometimes very painful too.
Now at the ripe age of 46, I look back and cringe at how I behaved and articulated myself.
So in order to assist you in not making the same mistakes or getting yourself out of a pickle I have put together some tips and tricks for you tips and tricks I still find very useful myself.
It is good to take a couple of steps back here and reflect on what setting, environment or with which specific people do you find it difficult to use your voice? Depending on your circumstances it could be your family, your parents, school colleagues, teachers, husband, wife, kids, friends, work …..
Is it generally when you’re amongst groups of people discussing a specific or even general topic or is it more about you expressing your needs and wants in a healthy way?
If a general or specific topic in a group, it is because you feel you don’t know enough for you to contribute to the conversation?
If so that's ok as we can’t always put our 5 cents worth in or know it all. But if it’s a topic that comes up often that you don’t feel comfortable or strong enough to add to the conversation then perhaps start doing your own research with regards to the topic, create your own view point and ask questions to help you form your own opinion on the matter. This way you will build your confidence and be able to contribute to the conversation as and when you feel it most appropriate.
If it’s about expressing your needs & wants or your view point on something in a healthy way for you to set healthy boundaries, then my advice is to give yourself some time here to reflect a little deeper on the matter. You could reflect on the following:
Is it because you feel like you’re being talked down on, don’t feel heard or seen? That you don’t feel safe to voice your opinion? Or have you always allowed others to make up your mind on things for you because it was easier that way but now you’re realising the consequences.
I find in these situations it's best to be very clear and honest with yourself about the matter. And when you have some clarity on why you keep quiet or find it hard to use your voice, start having a conversation with yourself about it, or with a close friend or therapist even. You are of course also welcome to book an introduction chat with me too. - Intro chat with me
When you feel more confident, you can start using you voice, I like to start with:
I know this might not come out right, but I would like to speak to you about something that has been on my mind for a little while now. I haven’t been able to or known how to articulate or talk about my feelings, point of view or thoughts. I still don’t but I would like to try, …… say what you need to say.
This way you are not only preparing yourself but the other person too and I feel it's a gentle approach to a big step in the right direction for you. For you both for that matter.
Sometimes the other can see that you’re really trying and even assist you with the process. Sometimes not….
In that case I find it best to start the process with speaking to their higher self. I know it sounds weird right, but energetically it works really well.
How does one do this, simple, all you do is find a spot where you will be left alone for at least ½ hour or so if not longer so you can really relax. Visualise this person sitting or standing next to you and then ask to speak to their higher self, then do just that. Speak to their higher self as if it was them there and let them know exactly how you feel. Do this a couple of times and see how it feels.
Many of my clients have used this tactic and it’s worked really well for them as energetically the energy shifts between you and the other and often opens up a space for communication.
If you have very low self worth i suggest you work on this by enquiring why this is the case. Some questions to reflect on are:
How was your childhood? Were your parents or guardians easy to talk to, was the communication with them open or not? Remember there is no right or wrong, no judging. It is just what it was or still is, but it’s in your power to change the narrative for you.
How were you as a child? Shy or very outgoing and how did that make you feel? How are you now? Happy with yourself and your circumstances or would you like to see a change?
What change would you like to see in yourself, in your circumstances?
Be very clear here and write it all down.
Then visualise this change happening, see it, feel it, how does it make you feel?
The more you visualise this the more you go into the feeling of it (only do this if it feels good) the more you are setting the blueprint for you to bring this into reality for you and the easier it will be for you to take the right action and steps to move forward.
Be gentle with yourself here, be gentle with the process, speak kindly to yourself. Remember we can only act on how and what we know and when we know better we can do better and that is the sake for the other too.
Yes one needs to want to change to call upon change and some don’t want change. Some stay stuck forever and that’s ok too that’s their calling but it’s important here for you to do you and for you to do this for you. Not everyone is ready for change and that's ok too.
We have many different people in our lives that play different roles to our growth and expansion and vice versa. Some stay in your life for a lifetime, some come and go and that's ok, it’s important to acknowledge this to set yourself free and set the other free too.
Always remember that you set your healthy boundaries & you choose how others are allowed to treat you, which brings me to the next point.
How do you want to be treated, seen, heard?
When you have the answer to this, start doing it for yourself, start treating yourself this way as the way you treat yourself sets an example as to how you allow others to treat you too.
Gosh, hope that all makes sense and is of help to you!
Should you need any clarity on any of this please don’t hesitate to be in touch with me by either booking an intro chat with me or emailing me on nicole@lov-me.com .
Emails are general answered between 24 - 36 hours of receipt of them.
Thank you!
Sending so much love and remember to be gentle with yourself during this process and be gentle towards others too.
Lovme, Nicole
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